Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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