Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
