There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
