Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
