Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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