I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
