i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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