I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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