I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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