shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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