The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
