he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
