Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
