I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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