my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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