oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
