If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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