she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
