I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
