i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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