You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize