i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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