Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
