LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
