Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
