census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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