Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
