Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
