Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
