Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
