I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
