Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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