you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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