And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
