Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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