I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
