Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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