theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this just has baby written all over it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
