Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
