Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
