I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
