didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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