Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
