hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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