I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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