Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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