I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
