I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
