I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
