i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
