I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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