yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
