Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
