I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize