3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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