Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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