these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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