I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
