Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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