he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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