I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
