$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
