We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
