I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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