I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
