i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
