she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
