maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
