I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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