She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
